I am recently divorced and have a question for you. What do you think of a woman (or man) who openly dates a married person? My best friend has done it for quite a long time with several married men. She says, ‘there’s nothing wrong with it and it’s safe.’ She claims to have a clear conscience because she says, ‘she is doing nothing wrong.’ She has even been with husbands of our friends (unbeknownst to their wives, of course). What she chooses to do is none of my business but recently she introduced me to a man that I now know is married. I want no part of this as a permanent arrangement but have to admit it is exciting. What do you think?
Wedding Band of Cheaters
Dear Wedding Band of Cheaters,
Your salutation, ‘Wedding Band of Cheaters’ pretty well sums up my feelings on the matter. Cheating on a spouse is adultery. Having a sexual encounter when you are unmarried is fornication. If you are a Christian who believes in the Bible you must also know it’s not rocket science to know it is wrong. In my opinion there are no excuses for a man or a woman to commit adultery and there are no excuses for a single man or woman to deliberately and knowingly have a sexual relationship (casual or serious) with a married person.
I question your friends morals and have great concern for others she calls her friends. It seems she has little or no respect for them (or herself, I might add). It appears she has turned her addiction of fishing in the ‘married’ pond into a game. Everyone loses in her so-called game, including her. The families suffer especially if there are children, friendships suffer and if she has children they are watching and taking lessons from her.
I say to you, if you haven’t already begun this dangerous activity then don’t! Show more class and pride than your friend. Consider yourself above this behavior and let your friend know as much as you care for her you do not condone this type of activity or behavior. What do I think? I think it’s shameful!
How do I control a man who spends every waking moment searching for junk (as I call it) to store in or around our home. He cannot pass a yard sale or a garage sale without stopping and digging through their discards.God forbid he should happen by an Estate sale. Our yard looks like ‘Samford & Son’ and our home is beginning to look like someone featured on ‘Hoarders’. It’s getting to the point where I cannot clean our home because no matter what I do there is always something out in the open that everyone can see. It’s quite embarrassing especially when we have friends over or the kids want to invite some of their friends over to play or visit. His family has always made excuses for his behavior by saying, “This is nothing. You should have seen his room growing up as a child. He’s always been a collector. Who knows, one day he may hit the mother lode.” We’ve been together for over fifteen years and this habit of his has only gotten worse with each passing year. Please, help me… I’m,
Drowning in Junk
What you have described may be a serious issue that his family has disregarded and is treating as if it were a hobby. Hoarding is a serious addiction comparative to any addiction a person may have. Hoarding is one of the more difficult addictions to face and overcome because it can be construed as a hobby of sorts where people are enjoying the art of collecting things that they feel are valuable or desirable. I can feel your frustration and understand where you would be embarrassed and hurt that he seems to be dedicated to his unusual vice. If you feel you cannot talk to him using his ‘collection’ of things as an example then I would recommend you go on-line or even look in the telephone directory under addictions and call for assistance before this gets so serious and overwhelming that you find yourself and your family literally walled in by his ‘things’ or worse literally crowded out of your own home. You may want to ask his family members their thoughts on his behavior but do so with kindness and with concern as opposed to judgement on his character or his mental stability. I pray you find the help you need.
Dear Delilah is written and founded by Delilah K. Fondren. Write to Dear Delilah @ firstname.lastname@example.org or PO Box 42, McCalla, AL 35111
I just need an outside opinion about something that’s bugging me. I’m a 17 years old and will be a high school senior this year. I have always had my heart set on being a singer. Not just a body sitting in the choir on Sundays singer but a real singer who gets paid for it. I have been told that I sing good so at least I know I’m not the worlds worst singer, right? When I mention my dreams to my parents they always have something negative to say. They aren’t mean about it but they just say discouraging things like, you have to know someone at the top to get a foot in the door, or they put me on the spot and ask me to compare myself to other professional singers who are at the top of their game. I agree I’m no Carrie Underwood or Brittney Spears but then again who is, right? Why do you think my parents don’t want to support me in my dream? I just want to be famous and make a name for myself, and who doesn’t right? Proving them wrong is yet another goal I intend to achieve.
Singing the Blues
Dear Singing the Blues,
I don’t believe for a moment your parents aren’t being supportive. What I do believe is that they are trying to protect you from the harshness of a profession that can sometimes destroy even a proud persons self esteem. The music industry can be vicious and brutal. They are trying to shield someone they dearly love from the heartbreak of possible rejection. I say this to you with all sincerity. I would urge you to further your education and perhaps take classes in music, voice, etc. I feel as a young adult it is always wise to have a backup plan for a career decision, this way should one not pan out we have a second alternative choice to fall back on. Many times we may find that our second choice ends up being our best choice after all has been said and done. The questions your parents pose are valid. Generally those who achieve stardom have been schooled in voice and have at the very least a basic idea of what it takes to make it to the top, unless they get lucky on American Idol or another of those ‘instant star’ reality programs. Most have agents and publicists and have already developed a following of friends, family and fans. I would have to agree the professional singers who are stars are so because they were and still are on top of their game. I wish you the very best in your endeavors but at the same time ask you to be realistic in the goals you set for yourself regardless of which avenue you choose.
Friends and family refer to me as a ‘Super Shopper’ because I not only love to shop but live to shop. I am such an avid shopper that I even volunteer to shop for them should an occasion to do so ever present itself. This isn’t something that has suddenly made itself known in my life but something I have done since as far back as I can remember when spending the day at the mall was the highlight of my Saturdays. Now don’t get me wrong, if I can’t afford to spend the extra money I don’t and am almost as satisfied with window shopping and browsing while my finances improve.
I have the greatest boyfriend any woman could ask for. He used to escort me everywhere and didn’t seem bothered by relaxing on a mall bench or having himself a soft drink while I indulged my favorite pastime. Lately when I mention going shopping or what I’d like to find for myself or for him to wear he has been standoffish and made excuses to stay behind. He doesn’t act mad and he doesn’t tell me not to go so I go without him. When I get back home he is happy and ready to spend our usual down time together. I don’t want to pressure him but I have gotten so used to him being there that going without him feels all wrong. Any suggestions?
Dear Shopping Angel,
You didn’t say how long you and your boyfriend have been together but based on what you’ve told me I would imagine long enough for him to get bored with shopping, which to most men would be one trip every six months, much less every weekend. I say cut him some slack. If he doesn’t seem bothered with your shopping agenda then you shouldn’t be bothered by him most likely wanting to sit perched in front of his television set watching sports until you return. I’m not saying this to make you uncomfortable but there are some who are known to be addicted to shopping. Perhaps you might ask yourself if your shopping is out of necessity, compulsion or desire. Once you realize which of the three motivates you it may help you open up to another avenue of entertainment. I am adding a humorous letter that may make you realize just how lucky you are that your boyfriend chooses to stay behind. Remember, this could be you. Good luck and God bless.
WHY ONE WIFE CHOOSES TO SHOP ALONE
Here’s proof of what can happen when a woman drags her highly disinterested husband or boyfriend along when shopping. This letter was sent by a Brittish Hypermart to a customer in Oxford.
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued patronage and use of our store’s loyalty card, the manager of our store is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of just some of the offenses over the past few months verified by our surveillance cameras:
*June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms then randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
*July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five minute intervals.
*August 14: Moved a ‘Caution – Wet – Floor’ sign to a carpeted area.
*October 4: Looked directly into a security camera then used it as a mirror to pick his nose.
*December 4: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
*December 18: Hid in a clothing rack shouting, ‘Pick me, Pick me’ when a customer got close.
*December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door then yelled very loudly, “There’s no toilet paper in here!”